i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
