I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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