So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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