a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
