i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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