You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
