i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
