i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
