So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
