I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
