I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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