so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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