he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
