I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
