I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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