Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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