So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
