I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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