And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
