So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he fucked my hip out of place.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
