Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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