Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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