What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
