great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
