So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize