my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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