Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
