he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
