Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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