Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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