I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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