Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize