Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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