this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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