wanna go halves on a baby?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
