Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
