when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
