I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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