And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
