Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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