Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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