Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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