I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize