i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
