o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
