the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize
