I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
