I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
