Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize