If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
