I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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