and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
