I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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