I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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