Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
