Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
