What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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