I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
