i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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