i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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