Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
