my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
