Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
