then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
