Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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