all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Never underestimate the power of titties
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
