So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize