i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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