he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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